I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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