Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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