In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
