I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize