# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
