my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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