Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
