What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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