How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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