Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
