I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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