i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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