She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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