How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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