O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
