Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
