even my farts smell like vagina
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's like iHOP with fire
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
