I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
