I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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