They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize