I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
