The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
