Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am naked and annoyed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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