i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
