shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
