have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
false alarm, still single
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
