I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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