And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
