I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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