hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
