Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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