I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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