I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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