Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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