but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
