Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
