why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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