are you so shy because you have an std?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sext me about skeletons
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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