We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
