You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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