i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
