i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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