im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
