Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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