ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
