i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
