We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
