words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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