i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
