why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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