Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize