you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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