why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
