How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
