Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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