I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
