I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
