I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize