I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
