I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
