A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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