you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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