Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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