we have officially lost it.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
