yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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