I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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