UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
