u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
