i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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