I think im going to throw up on grandma
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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