mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize